Many thanks to the lovely people on here who have sent me messages of , you're so very kind. It's been a week since Lois told me it's over and I haven't heard back from her. Even with Mother fussing over me, I feel very alone right now. I have written a blog for the first time in years as I find writing down my thoughts in times of crisis helps me somehow.

I haven't heard from Lois in now 3 days, I thought she might have text me to just 'check in'. 1000's of people go through this shit everyday and come through it, I just wonder when it will stop hurting. I've resisted phoning her as I don't know what sort of a reception I will get. When I feel like this I normally phone an old boyfriend and ask if they fancy like a fuck to distract me, but I haven't. When I first told Mother all those years ago, that I was getting married, she was not at all happy. I was shocked when she said, who's going to wipe my arse when I'm old. I was never going to abandon her, but now she'll have all the attention she wants. I feel so stupid that I thought marrying a woman would make me a man. I guess Lois feels the same way too.